im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
