you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
