I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
