He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
