I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i've created a new STD.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
