whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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