Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
