Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
