theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
