question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
My balls are so social today.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
