I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Everclear isn't food dammit
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
