i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
