"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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