I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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