i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
