Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
