i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
