So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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