I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
