I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
