Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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