I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm at about main and main street
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
