Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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