The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
