I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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