no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
