She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
