Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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