plz talk dirty to me
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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