i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
