oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
