Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
