My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
