last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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