Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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