He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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