I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
