literally had 100 drinks last night.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
