Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
