How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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