so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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