there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
