we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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