trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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