I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
