At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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