Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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