Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
