I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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