it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
