sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
