haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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