I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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