Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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